


letters to a lost love

by mirospherespeckles



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Emotional Abuse, Emotionally heavy, Familial Abuse, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, Low Self Esteem, Masochism, Original Poetry - Freeform, Parental Abuse, Physical Abuse, Poetry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-16 11:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19648048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirospherespeckles/pseuds/mirospherespeckles
Summary: some original poems of mine that have been previously posted on my HelloPoetry page. in general, TW for abuse and minor sexual content.





	1. what you want

mold me

make me

what you want

make me what you--  
what you want to be  
pose me

dose  
me

break  
me  
down  
down  
down

touch me  
control me  
absolutely crush me  
hold me  
enfold me--

do  
what  
you  
please

mold me  
make me  
pose me  
break me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was the first thing i posted on HePo back in november and it remains a work i am very proud of, as weird as it is.  
> thanks AO3 for messing up the formatting


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> big big TW for attempted suicide in this one

you get a call  
it’s too early  
but too late all at once

you get a call  
it is after midnight  
he has the bottle in hand

you get a call  
it is early morning  
the pills are down his throat

you get a call  
it’s one am  
he tells you not to worry

you get a call  
you don’t know how to feel  
he says he’s done the bottle  
(you don’t know if he means the pills or the water)

you get a call  
you don’t know what to do

you get a call  
it ends too soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one hits close to home, more than most would ever know


	3. you hurt me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is to my ex-girlfriend. you damaged me, and further hurt my ability to trust. thank you for inspiring me to write this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for implied emotional abuse

you made me feel so loved  
i adored you  
i don't know how to feel  
why am i apologizing  
for you hurting me  
why do i feel guilty  
for something i didn't do?  
why am i coming back to you  
even after you caused me so much pain?  
why am i talking to you  
after you stole my voice?  
why do i see you as beautiful,  
when you made me feel hideous?  
why am i crawling back,  
after you tore me apart?

why do i keep coming back?


	4. you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no TWs this time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dedicated to my father, who i wasn't around long enough to be hurt by

in me, i see you—  
a young man, small, timid;  
dark hair, dark eyes

stubborn, irresponsible—  
full of bad decisions

somebody who has no control  
someone who has no freedom

for whom love is not enough  
who has everything that he could ever want and still be unhappy  
a home  
a family  
some faith in the universe  
you still want more

in me, i see you  
and that is something i wish wasn’t true


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> strong TW for suicide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was written when i was in a much, much worse place. i'm still not too good, but i'm better than i was

if i grabbed a handful of little red pills

and put them in my mouth,

would anything matter?

or would the world just fade to black

and forget about me


End file.
